By Brad Browning
From The Ex Factor Guide
If you can’t tell for sure if you’re over analyzing your ex’s behavior, then check this out…
When Is It Bad To Ignore Your Ex? (Exceptions To The ‘No Contact’ Rule)
Turns out the most common thing people ask me is “Are you sure that the ‘No Contact’ strategy will work for me?”
Let me tell you when it’s a bad idea to ignore your ex and help you decide whether the no contact method is right for your specific situation.
What is the ‘No Contact’ method?
It’s a common strategy that’s widely recommended by counselor and breakup experts myself included that basically involves ignoring your ex completely for about 30 days after your breakup.
The strategy is designed to help your ex let go of the negative memories, latch on to the happy memories of your time together and begin to miss you and realize how painful it is when you’re no longer in their life.
When does the ‘No Contact’ strategy become complicated and potentially challenging?
#1. When It’s Been Many Months Since The Initial Breakup
If you broke up with your ex a long time ago, say six months or more then, the No-Contact may be less effective. If you have been in regular contact with your ex during this time then you should still go through the 30 days of radio silence as soon as possible.
But if you’ve only spoken occasionally to your ex or haven’t talked to your ex at all in the past few months then you probably don’t need to do the full 30 days of No-Contact.
#2. When You Live With Your Ex
This is a really common scenario, your ex-broke up with you or you went your separate ways but you still live together or your shared living space and you simply can’t avoid contact with your ex.
In summary though you should try to limit non-essential contact with your ex even when you do live together, don’t make it obvious by you know eating meals in the middle of the night or hiding behind closed doors.
You don’t want your ex to know that you’re trying to avoid them, you just want to try to avoid any unnecessary encounters where you can without seeing suspicious.
And when you do have to talk to your ex, it’s critical that you put on your happy face you know, and act positive upbeat and friendly.
Don’t show your emotions, don’t get angry or sad or drag your ex into any drama or arguments. Just be friendly and polite while looking for the first chance to escape and cut the conversation short.
If necessary tell your ex that you know you’re sorry but you can’t chat right now because you’ve got plans with some friends, you’ll catch up with them later.
Do this whenever possible and keep any conversations limited to you know, simple small talk, inside jokes, fun topics, just nothing serious at all.
You don’t want to be getting into that right now and always if you’re happy, just make it look to your ex like you’re really embracing the freedom of being single. Period.
#3. When You Work or You Go To School Together With Your Ex
If you have to see your ex at work or school regularly, use the exact same strategy that I just described for those who live with their ex.
Limit contact as much as possible for 30 days. Keep any conversations friendly and positive, cut them short if you can without looking to you know impolite and make sure your ex knows you’re doing well since the break-up.
#4. When You and Your Ex Have Children Together
If you have kids together with your ex then you simply won’t be able to avoid contact altogether so just try to limit communication to essential topics related to the kids.
Talk about who will take the kids to school, how the dance recital went, when the dentist appointment is, etc. but make sure you do this with a smile on your face and a positive attitude.
Politely shutdown any conversation not related to your kids or home finances that are critical stuff and let your ex know that you’re not holding any hard feelings. You’re just busy man you can’t talk for long.
If you’re in this situation or you’re going through a divorce please keep in mind that you may never be able to fix things with your ex. That is a possibility.
Oftentimes, you can still save your relationship and I’ve seen it happen many times even if you’ve got kids together.
But it’s usually a more difficult process with some lower possibly lower odds of success than in traditional or less serious relationships that don’t involve children.
#5. When Your Ex Won’t Stop Talking To You
If you’re trying to go through with the 30 days of No Contact but your ex keeps pestering you with text messages and phone calls then you may be wondering how ignoring them will help you win back your ex and start fresh with them.
But in this type of situation No Contact can actually often be more important, you need your ex to know that you will not be available to provide emotional support or to keep them entertained while they get over the post-breakup heartache and loneliness.
Your ex must understand what they have to choose between being with you in a romantic relationship or not having you in their life at all.
Nothing in between they need to understand that and that’s what part of the 30-day no contact period does and is all about.
That seems harsh I know but when someone you loved and hung out with you daily or for months or years suddenly vanishes from your life, the pain and loneliness can be overwhelming.
If your ex is sad enough and missing you badly enough, he or she needs to understand that getting back together and giving your love a second chance is the best and quickest way to stop the heartache.
That’s an especially appealing option if your ex understands that the alternative is losing you completely forever.
When you want to ignore your ex for 30 days but you can’t be rude or caused conflict by repeatedly ignoring them:
- If your ex sends a pointless message or calls for no reason just to chat or see what’s up for instance then you don’t need to reply beyond maybe just a you know “Sorry, can’t talk right now got to run to meet a friend.”
- But if they’re trying to talk to you about something important for instance to collect you know an important belonging that’s still your house or two sort of paying old utility bills whatever it is you should wait a few hours and then reply with something polite friendly but brief and business like.
- Answer their questions without showing any emotion or heartache, don’t be too cold just don’t get too excited or try to you know talk about other things just be upbeat and friendly and keep the conversation as brief as possible and get through those important can’t ignore topics.
Sometimes you may be confused as to why your ex still wants to talk with you so much, maybe they’re even telling you that they miss you, that they’re sad without you around and so on.
I’ve addressed stuff five common issues that you may face when you’re considering whether the ‘No Contact’ strategy is right for you.
Although a couple of them required you to slightly modify the ‘No Contact’ method to fit your scenario is still a very effective strategy in almost every case.
Unless you’ve got a very compelling reason why you think the ‘No Contact’ phase won’t work for you and honestly in ten years of breakup counseling experience, I’ve only ever seen that a few times you should be using this strategy as soon as possible.
I promise that no matter how counterintuitive this whole ‘No Contact’ thing may seem, ignoring your ex after the breakup is the best thing you can do in the first few weeks if you want to win them back and enjoy a happy future together as a couple.
If you’re still confused about whether the strategy the ‘No Contact’ strategy is right for you and if you should use it, you can just leave a comment below this video and I’ll do my best to get back to you.
Or just visit my website www.BreakupBrad.com or you’ll find my email address as well as a free full-length video on winning back your ex.