By Carlos Xuma
Author of Dating Tips for Guys
Most men are terrified of talking to women because they think they’ll be written off as a needy chump who wants something from her.
It’s kind of like when you’re at the store, and one of the sales staff walks up to you, trying to pitch something. Most people would be more comfortable looking around first before asking any questions.
Women feel the same way when a stranger walks up to them. They feel that expectation to invest themselves in a conversation they have ZERO interest in.
Plus, from her point of view, it’s kind of jarring to have some random guy try to get something out of her (e.g. a phone number, promise of a date, etc.) when all she wants is to go about her business.
So it’s for this reason that guys can’t seem to overcome that mental hurdle of interacting with an attractive stranger. To them, there’s too much “at stake” for them to risk getting shot down within seconds of meeting a woman.
But the good news is that there really isn’t that much riding on a single conversation. It’s just the fear talking, which is really just the brain projecting a highly exaggerated doomsday scenario.
So, your goal should be to keep that inner voice at bay.
I could tell you that the worst she could do is say “no”, but that won’t really help you be more confident with women, would it?
Instead, I want to share a handful of strategies to make interacting with women feel more natural to you (and in effect, not make you creepy):
#1: Keep Your Head Clear
The main reason guys mess up with women is that they’re too worried about the unknown. Remember that fear I talked about? Most of that is focused on things that have YET to happen, like what she’ll say or the possibility of getting rejected.
And so when your mind is too wrapped up in something other than the PRESENT, you’ll be disengaged with women which isn’t an attractive vibe to give off.
That internal warning system in her head will go off (a.k.a. her Creep Radar) and she’ll think to herself, “What’s up with this guy? Why is he so tense? Should I be worried?”
One of the simplest ways be more attractive is by simply NOT caring about the end result of your actions.
You can worry about that later on; in the meantime, you need to care more about making her feel good (more on that later). Thinking about anything else is POISONOUS to your game.
I know that seems easy to say, but if you really think about the last tip, you’ll realize that logically, it doesn’t make sense to dwell on a potential outcome.
Aside from removing those distracting thoughts from your head, you’ll also have to work on both your verbal and non-verbal communication.
Try to remove any trace of hesitation in your body language and the way you convey your words. This is key because women will follow your lead, meaning she’ll feel nervous if you give her a reason to feel that way.
Just think about this: in your heart of hearts, you KNOW you’re an awesome dude who’s fun to be with. In fact, you’re making her life more interesting by interacting with her.
If you’re sensing a little aloofness from her or some negative body language, the trick is NOT to let those things mess with your head. Although it might seem that the natural thing to do is give in to her vibe, you should go against this urge.
But just because you want to FEEL that way, it doesn’t mean you actually should. Instead, rely on your own inner reality, namely that you’re a cool, funny guy she should get to know better. So, don’t let her own reaction deter you.
Yeah, she might end up turning you down – no biggie. All you need to say is “Oh well, thanks for your time though.” When you’re prepared to walk away with dignity, you truly have nothing to fear.
#3: Make Her Laugh
They say laughter is the best medicine, and it’s also the best icebreaker too.
But you’re not a standup comic, so you don’t have to bust into a set every time you see an attractive lady in your vicinity.
Be subtle with your jokes and use it as a way to make her wonder if you’re really into her or not. It doesn’t hurt to keep her guessing for a while – it’s all part of the game.
And if you do it right, she’ll be more than willing to play along.
Kevin, a client of mine, once flirted with a girl who was regularly delivering important documents and packages to their office. As it was, he often had to sign for the deliveries which he used as an opportunity to mess around with her.
He would frame his true feelings by saying stuff like, “Oh thank God you’re here! My boss was ready to rip my head off if he didn’t have the contract in his hands by now. You saved me once again…you’re too good to me. How’d a jerk like me get so lucky?”
Kevin would use this recurring “personal savior” theme whenever he ran into her. It grew on her so much that she didn’t even hesitate to say “yes” when he asked her out a few weeks later.
If he had simply told her how amazing she looked, Kevin would be just like every other loser out there trying to kiss a woman’s butt. To a girl, that’s not only unoriginal, but also creepy.
He knew that he had to set himself apart by masking his attraction for her in a unique way.
#4: Find Your “Way In”
Ok, so the other way to get into a woman’s good graces is by meeting her at some level that she can relate to.
For example, she’ll want you to appreciate her interests and passions. Not only that, she also needs you to understand WHY she likes those things in the first place.
And when you figure out what makes her tick, you’ll convey that kind of understanding she wants. That makes it way easier for her to think of you romantically.
Maybe she’s a nostalgia buff and tells you all about her WWII memorabilia or how she incorporates some vintage elements into her everyday outfits.
So you need to find a way to validate the root of her interests (i.e. hankering for a simpler time, fascination with an era she didn’t live in) and project her enthusiasm back to her.
Don’t worry – it’s not as hard as it sounds.
All you need to do is share an experience of your own with the same spirit and build on that. You can say something like:
“Oh yeah, I’m right there with you. One time I saw this documentary on the History Channel about the Cold War and I was really blown away by how close the U.S. and Russia came to going all-out. So much so that I drove a couple of hours on a whim to visit a museum which had some declassified spy artifacts from that time. There’s just that intrigue that comes with “going back in time”, don’t you think?”
So, you not only managed to appeal to her interests, but also showed her that you’re an interesting guy as well.
It wouldn’t have worked so well if you simply said, “Hey cool, vintage stuff is awesome! I’d definitely like to get into the whole retro scene myself, maybe I’ll order a Led Zeppelin shirt online, that would be sweet!”
That response would sound hollow. Again, she’ll feel suspicious that you’re just trying to pander to her – as opposed to being genuinely interested in what she has to offer.
So attracting women isn’t really rocket science at all. You just have to pay attention to the basic details of human interaction, and you’ll be golden with them.
Here’s another valuable tip worth remembering: your testosterone is the key to giving off that masculine essence that draws women like moths to a flame.
Without it, getting women to feel attracted to you is going to be a struggle, even if you know the right things to say. I suggest you learn how to keep your virility at its peak by preventing something called T-Bleed.
Luckily, it’s dead simple to do this – all you need to do is CLICK HERE.
– Carlos Xuma