Does the thought of attending any kind of social gathering fill with you with dread? Do you get this irrational fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and ending up looking like a clown?
Maybe you’d rather blend in with the crowd than stand out. Maybe you’re the type who’s more comfortable kicking back and let everyone else do the mingling.
I get that. Most guys have felt that kind of anxiety at one point or another, so I totally appreciate what it’s like to want to camouflage yourself…
…but then end up frustrated from having a lackluster social life.
Naturally, your dating life will suffer too. I’ve been in that boat before, and it’s no fun.
It was like this invisible barrier holding me back from meeting new friends and attractive women.
But I managed to break out of my shell because I was sick and tired of not being able to hold a decent conversation with a new acquaintance – or a pretty girl for that matter.
I realized that MOST people feel that initial apprehension when walking into unfamiliar territory, such as going to a party full of strangers.
So I made the choice to embrace these negative feelings and forge ahead anyway, rather than letting them hold me back. Whereas before, I would allow the same emotions to get to me and stick with me the whole night.
Today I’m going to share with you the few tricks I learnt along the way to getting over my social fear. These pointers will help you to “fake it ‘til you make it”.
#1: Come in Strong
Don’t get me wrong – you don’t need to come in with guns blazing and trumpets blaring. You can make your way into a social situation and give everyone an impression of confidence WITHOUT looking like a trying hard poser.
When meeting people for the first time, be mindful of your posture. Keep your shoulders level and head on straight so it doesn’t look like you’re embarrassed to be there in the first place.
When you walk into a room with your eyes to the ground and your shoulders hunched, you have already lost the battle.
Make eye contact with people when you’re talking to them, as avoiding eye contact will signal to them that you are disinterested and not really paying attention to what they are saying.
Chances are you’re not going to interact with each and every person in the room, so you don’t really have anything to lose by looking at them in the eye at the appropriate moment.
It may be challenging, but the more you practice standing up tall and making eye contact with people, the easier it will become. Remember, you’re doing because you want to get over the fear of meeting new people. And your efforts will really pay off.
#2: Rethink the Situation
Let me make the decision to get out there and mingle easier for you.
Do you want to make yourself miserable by counting down the minutes until you leave? Or do you want to fill in the time by seizing the opportunity to flex your social muscles?
When you look at it this way, it’s obvious that it’s worth getting past the initial discomfort and keep at it until the feeling of awkwardness goes away.
If it’s too much for you to talk to a bunch of people in one sitting, who says you can’t excuse yourself to go to the restroom or somewhere to catch your breath for a few minutes?
Take a breather and then get back to it once you’ve regained your bearings. The more you get out there, the less tiring it will be as your “social stamina” improves.
#3: Don’t Take Things Too Seriously
Like I said, I know what it’s like to have a hundred thoughts running through your head and being afraid of slipping up or having people make fun of you.
Remember that this is just your brain on auto-pilot.
Fear is like a defense mechanism, showing your mind the worst possible scenario and amplifying it a hundred fold. But it’s just doing this to protect you from perceived harm, and doesn’t necessarily reflect what’s actually happening.
Back in the real world, your worst fears aren’t coming to life, so you just have to ignore that voice in your head until you calm down.
Even when I got more confident, I never expected things to go smoothly all the time. There’s always some factor that you won’t anticipate, so I simply tried to find the humor in tense situations when they came up.
I decided to readjust my perspective to help me get past my fear of approaching people, and keep cool when things didn’t go exactly to plan.
Pretend you’re in a TV sitcom and some unexpected event throws a wrench in your plans, like having a drink spilled on your shirt or tripping up on your way in.
To get over the awkwardness as quickly as possible, just go with the flow, mentally shrug and laugh it off. Make a nonchalant quip like “Well I didn’t expect that!” or something else to that effect, and move on.
Showing everyone (hot women included) that you’re cool under pressure is a sign of maturity, making you way more attractive as opposed to acting mortified.
Women would rather hang out with a guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously because it means he’s probably fun to be around. So learn to laugh at yourself in these situations.
If anything, all of this is just a test of how well you can take negative life events in your stride.
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
If you have five good experiences to every not-so-good experience, is it really so bad? Focus on the positive and remember, the more you try, the more you will succeed.