At the most basic level, the single biggest complaint I get from my clients is that they’re not good enough for a relationship. None of them actually say it like that, but the things they tell me reflect the same perception:
“It’s hard to meet a quality guy when most of them are intimidated by my achievements.”
“How I can date a guy when I’m struggling to lose weight?”
“Finding great guys is hard. The good ones are priests, married or gay.”
(That last one is a classic!)
Remember what I said about making things happen? The statements above essentially go against doing that.
Women who complain along these lines are blaming their lackluster dating life on things that are happening around them. It’s not their fault the world is a crummy place, so why bother?
Yet, the women who ARE successful with men also have to deal with the same things. But somehow, they’re able to transcend these circumstances and attract the men they want!
It begs the questions: how do you stop with the excuses and actually do something about being more attractive to guys?
It’s often been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same exact thing over and over, and then expecting different results.
Well, a lot of women are afflicted with this sort of “craziness” because they’re unaware that they’ve developed destructive mental habits over time. Your inner voice is capable of feeding you any type of thought; many women have allowed themselves to be paralyzed by the self-defeating kind (just check out the statements at the start of this article!).
The worst thing about these thoughts is that they’re convincing themselves that they’re lacking or terribly flawed in some way. When you tell yourself, “I’m not an attractive woman”, it’s like playing fortune teller on your fortune.
This is why a negative attitude turns off men! Who would want to date a woman who constantly talks about her hang-ups and makes a guy zero in on her “flaws”?
Being too mindful of the things you don’t like about yourself (note: everybody has them!) is going to make you nervous because your mind is blowing it out of proportion.
If your attitude tells a guy, “I’m not attractive enough”, he’ll be obliged to agree with you!
What this all boils down to is the inability to be content with yourself. Some people have this tendency to put off being happy with who they are until they’ve hit some sort of milestone.
It usually goes like this:
“If X happens to me, then I’d be happy.”
“If only I was X, then I’d be happy.”
When it comes to dating, a woman might say:
“If only I had a great relationship, then I’d be happy.”
“If only I lost 10 pounds, then I’d be happy.”
But why wait for wait for something from the outside world to make you happy when can look within and know that YOU’RE FINE just as you are now?
John Kehoe, author of “Mind Power Into the 21st Century”, asserts that a person’s potential is only limited by the kind of thoughts they have.
More importantly, he says that successful thinking has to happen BEFORE making success a reality.
In one of his seminars, John asks the audience about wealth: “When are you going to think that you’re rich and successful? AFTER you become rich and successful?”
Being irresistible to men works the same way – it starts with your mindset. If you convince yourself that the outside world is out to keep you away from men, then all your thoughts and actions will MAKE this a reality.
You might tell me that this isn’t as easy as it sounds. Maybe, but it’s also far from impossible.
John recognizes the fact that it takes work to get your mind to feed your empowering thoughts. He sees the mind as a great trickster, showing us our worst insecurities and exaggerating them to ridiculous levels.
To stop your mind from going down the same path, John tells his readers to discipline their minds. It might sound weird to see your brain as a separate entity from yourself, but you’ve probably experienced this before and haven’t noticed it.
Think back to the last time you were upset or stressed out. At some point, you might have thought that you weren’t going to get out of that situation.
But looking back, it wasn’t as bad it seemed and your thoughts at the time weren’t an accurate reflection of what was really going on.
Thus, John advises people to exercise a habit of self-observation to keep themselves from polluting their perception with self-defeating thoughts. According to him, the simple act of being aware “will spur a desire to make changes within your consciousness and get it under control.”
To combat self-defeating thoughts, John suggests cutting them off. When you realize your mind is feeding you negative statements, don’t bother picking it apart or justifying why it’s wrong.
Simply weed it out from your brain and replace it with the exact opposite thought.
When you let in one kind of thought in your mind, a stream of similar thoughts will follow. For instance, if your car broke down on the way to the office, you might think, “Great, I’m never going to make it to work!”
Chances are, you’ll be thinking other things like, “My boss is going to kill me!” or “My whole day is ruined!”
Instead, substitute it with something like, “Well, this sucks. I guess I have to let them know I’ll be late, call towing service and get a cab.”
It may take time to get into a positive routine, but all habits take time to develop. You might find it weird to get used to seeing yourself as an irresistible woman who’s fine just the way she is (in spite of her perfectly human imperfections), but you’ll eventually learn to affirm yourself.
Remember: Low self-esteem ends when you stop pushing yourself towards perfection.
Having goals and making the most of your life is one thing, but the need to be flawless 100% of the time is another. Nothing is more attractive than being at peace with who you are – a relaxed vibe puts guys at ease and naturally attracts them!