Expert Dating and Relationships
Advice for Men and Women

The ONE Thing Men Want More Than Your Love

Ladies be warned: you are about to enter the inner workings of the male brain.

There is one thing that is more important to a man than your love. And unfortunately, most men feel they are not getting enough of it.

I know what you’re thinking, sex. It’s always sex, right? But no, I am not talking about sex here.

The ONE thing men want more than your love is your respect.

Why is respect so important to a man?

No matter how self-assured men may appear on the outside, on the inside they are all secretly harboring massive insecurities about not being worthy enough – not having what it takes to be a ‘real man’.

Underneath that confident exterior, your man may be feeling helpless, dumb, ugly, weak, or boring. And he’s looking to you to either confirm or deny his fears.

A lot of how he feels inside comes from how he sees himself in your eyes.

Did you know that a recent survey showed over 40% of men feel unappreciated by their significant others or families?

If he is not feeling respected by you, whose opinion matters to him most, how is he meant to gain the respect of anyone else?

For him to feel loved and worthy as a man, he needs to feel respected by you. And for him to feel respected, he needs for you to show him your respect. BOTH in times when you are happy with him, AND when you are feeling frustrated.

But don’t we all want respect?

Love and respect are important to all of us in a relationship, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that women usually do not realize just how important respect is to a man, and how it affects his feelings of love and commitment towards YOU.

Your man does want your love. It’s just that if he had to choose between the two, it would be less soul-destroying for him to lose your love than your respect.

Which can be hard for women to understand, when generally the number one thing we are looking out for in a relationship are signs of our man’s love.

But doesn’t he already know I respect him?

You may think that you already respect your man, but you could be really surprised to find out that he might not always see it that way. Because he needs for you to actually show him.

But the hard thing is, he won’t actually be able to tell you when he is feeling a lack of respect. Instead, what you will see is ‘unnecessary’ displays of anger in a minor disagreement, or being given the cold shoulder for seemingly no reason. Ring any bells?

No matter how much you love your man, be wary that there may be times where you are showing him disrespect without even being aware of it. Let’s look at how you can consciously avoid doing this now, and instead start showing him your respect (and your love) in a big way.

1. Trust his judgment

This is a biggie. Trusting his judgment is all about affirming his decisions without questioning them, within reason of course! This may mean taking things into perspective letting little things slide – will it really matter if his way is a bit more complicated than your way?

Unfortunately, all too often we tend to question his decisions even without realizing it. We may think we are being helpful in offering an alternative or asking him to explain his reasoning, but really what we are doing is deflating his ego through self-doubt.

Always assume he is doing things for the best reasons, rather than jumping straight to the critique. We all make mistakes, but if you allow him to handle his with grace he will be forever grateful.

Try adding these phrases to your everyday vocabulary:

“You’re right”
“That does sound like the best way”
“I trust you”

Of course, if you do strongly disagree with a judgment-call of your partner’s, you have every right to voice your opinion and suggest an alternative. Just try and treat his ego as gently as you can while you do this.

2. Ask him for help and advice

A great way of showing your man that you respect and value his input is by asking for his help and advice.
Although us independent women often want to get things done by ourselves and are perfectly capable of making our own decisions (he knows this perfectly), it can actually be really nice to have the perspective of someone else every once in a while.

“Hey babe, I’ve been having a lot of trouble figuring something out lately, and I could really use your help. What do you think about…?”

Obviously, you don’t want to seem like a damsel in distress who is incompetent of making her own decisions. But try making it a conscious effort to ask your man for his input every once in a while, and be sure to thank him after.

Helping you will make him feel good, and will really boost feelings of closeness in your relationship.

3. Allow him to complete DIY tasks

“That would be so helpful if you could fix that broken tap, sweetie. You’re amazing”.

When something needs to be done at home, don’t call in the professional immediately. It may take your man longer, he may make mistakes along the way, but fixing things himself will give him a real sense of success and worthiness. DIY tasks are something that all men enjoy, so try to leave these challenges open for him.

Don’t worry, if it gets to the point where a professional does need to take a look, your man will arrange this themselves. It just might happen to be when you’re not home.

4. Show your appreciation

“Thank you so much for doing that, honey. I really appreciate it.”

A simple ‘thank you’ can do so much in making your man feel worthy and valued. Better yet, it will make him more likely to continue to do these things in future. Of course, there are multiple ways you can show your appreciation…

5. Acknowledge his success

This is about recognising his achievements, and focusing on acknowledging and rewarding what he has done well, rather than criticising what he hasn’t done.

Saying “I’m proud of you” goes a long way – hearing this will make him feel the same way as you do when you hear “I love you”. I’m not kidding!

6. 5 compliments to every criticism

Research has shown that too much praise can be detrimental to your relationship, just like too much criticism can be. But what is the right ratio?

Well a good rule of thumb according to psychologists is a 5 to 1 ratio. That means that for every time you criticize him, you should be praising him 5 times.

If you find yourself criticizing just as often as you are praising, then you’ll either need to let a lot more things slide (pick your battles), or you need to start noticing more of the positive things he does and actively show this appreciation whenever you can.

7. Show public respect

“Dave was so great with the kids last night”

“Dave got the washing machine going again in just a few minutes!”

“Did you hear about the promotion Dave just got at work? I’m so proud of him”.

There is nothing that will make your man feel more loved than publicly displaying your respect and appreciation for him. You can do this by letting others know how well he did at something, or by talking about a way in which he’s helped you recently. He may try to downplay this or show a little embarrassment, but on the inside he will be beaming.

Please note that the flipside of this, which is also highly important, is to choose to hold your tongue if you disagree with something he says or does in public. Instead, wait until you are in private before you bring it up.

There is nothing that will cut your man more deeply than being criticised or belittled by you in front of his mates. Even that light teasing you thought was funny may actually have felt humiliating for him – always look out for signs he might be feeling uncomfortable.

He will really appreciate it if you save any constructive criticism for later when you’re alone, and will also be a lot more prepared to take in your advice. It’s a win-win.

I hope you enjoyed and gained great value from this post. Please post your comments below.

All the best!

Brooke Ryan, Author
MeetYourSweet.com

27 Comment/s

27 Comments to 'The ONE Thing Men Want More Than Your Love'

Paul Arnold

The worst thing from a male perspective is when you feel like your partner is ‘sick of you’ and picks on every little thing you do wrong.

Men make mistakes, lots of them, and often not on purpose. But it’s quality woman who knows how to communicate frustrations with a man while still making sure he maintains full respect.

I think sarcasm and contempt from women are the worst signs of lack of respect.

Of course I realize this goes both ways and men need to do their best for their woman.

MeetYourSweet

Hi Paul, thanks for your insight. Mutual respect is definitely a foundation for a good relationship, so make sure to speak up if you feel like you’re being attacked or criticized too much.

Maria Elena Kupsch

Very sweet and cool.I love it

Princess Buttercup

I love this segment. Very helpful. I’m a hairdresser and I talk to disgruntled women all day long… I’m going to print this off and keep it at my station… great advice! I will pass this information on to hundreds of women… Saundra- no offense, but did you actually absorb this advice? Your comment could have been the first opportunity for you to practice what you just learned… respect, tact and communication are universal. In order to have it somewhere, we need to have it everywhere… thumbs up Brooke… you just shifted New Mexico women with one entry… xo.

Brenda Parker

Thanks for sharing! The biggest lesson I learned after my divorce (and a few years of self evaluation) was that my passive aggressive disrespect was the major contributer to my husband leaving. “We never had actual arguments”, I would say. He simply didnt know how to express that I was too judgemental to everything he did! I’ve learned that a wife and husband are on the same team. Just as in organized sports, if you constantly criticize your teammates, the team falls apart! When you feel like you are no longer on the same team, the first step to getting back on track is respect, not love.

Bridgette Keys

That real talk

jackie

Great advice, I’m really understanding and enjoy reading . Thank You

Ruth Gumbo

So interested, I will try to follow and do it.

MeetYourSweet

Thank you Princess Buttercup and Ruth for reading! We’re glad our post gave you some insights on your own dating and relationship experiences 🙂

Susue

This is all good, however some men have no respect towards woman, and it seems like more and more men can use woman especially if they have the money too. How can you bbost a guys ego as you are saying , if in todays society they can remain married , live apart from his wife and have a seperate life, and can have different girlfriends. Or a man who moves in a younger woman because she might need financial help, and then uses her for cleaning, cooking and a quickie every now and then. Really? Explain this one

JCK

You have really hit the nail on its head. What you have said here is actually very true. I have learnt this the hard way. My husband and I separated after 31 years in marriage. During our marriage, I never took him seriously such that I would say anything to him anywhere. I was always right and questioned his every move. I was too self centred.

Eventually, I thought he was not man enough and I left him. We stayed apart for 6 years and in the meantime, he would call or even write to me to tell me how much he missed me. During the period of seperation, I had time to reflect on my past behaviour. I came to the conclusion that I too was in the wrong. I did not respect my husband enough.
Fortunately in the 7th year, my husband was bold enoug to talk to me about a possible come-back as, according to him, I was the only woman for him and the fact that we had 5 lovely boys before seperating. I thought about this possibility and I thought there was nothing wrong in coming back together as I vowed never to marry for the 2nd time.
We are back together, the boys are very happy about this. I have learnt to respect and love him. We are treating each other well and do not wish anything to distract us from our love. It is important to respect one another. It has worked for me. Thankx a lot.

Monique

This is one thing I think I always fail on. I do see myself as respecting him yet each and every fall out we have, he mentions I do not respect and it kills me so much because I respect and admire him more than anything. Thank you so much for the article I intend reading this over and over so these unnecessary mistakes can be avoided. I wish he understood I as a woman also need that in return, all those aspects on the article, they actually mean much to us – public respect/appreciation.

maggie

Most anytime a blog about respecting a man is published I notice that some of the comments are usually about how women need respect and that this shouldn’t be differentiated in any way.
I have never understood this as research has proven this and the blog is there to HELP women understand men. No one is saying that women don’t deserve the same respect but only that men have a specific need for it.
I get this completely. Maybe that is why I have such great success with men.

Leila

The phrase familiarity breeds contempt would fit what this article is saying. The important thing I think is to not be too familiar with a person even if you are intimate with them. Not an easy feat, but if you can do it you will be rewarded with a beautiful relationship.

Alicat

Respect goes both ways. My ex showed me very little respect so I did the same to him. He treated me like I was little beneath him. He didn’t like fixing things either. In saying that there are some good tips. I just hope guys are getting similar tips from somewhere on how to treat their partners.

kk

thanks a million. i have lost two guys in my life due to this disrespectful and agumentative attitude. it has really destroyed things for me. i will read it over and over till i master them so idont repeat them in my next relationship. thanks again

Sue

I have recently started dating again after the loss of my Husband. I enjoy these articles and find them working on my dates….I especially enjoy this part… the respect, appreciation, and advise needed. I have heard too many women continually say their husband didn’t do this right or he isn’t doing this or that……i simply tell them to try what I have learned, and they come back and say ” how did you know that would work”.
I tell them and give them the contact information. It has changed their way of loving their husbands and made them happier. Its all Good!! Thank you for your research on these topics they are helping me….

Ludah G.

This is so real and it takes two People to understand what respect means, not only for Men,Women too need to be respected/appreciated. in so doing we both build a very good relationship. Please continue opening our eyes for healthy relationships. very inspirational.

Pam

Sure Respect Win it All. Good Advice

ourania

Absolute top advice.it’s all about respect both from the woman and man.I hear alot of men and women on their business lunches critizing and whinging about their partners or mistresses and tomboy.

Magie

Thank you for great info, especially 5 to 1 ratio on compliments to criticism.

Erica G

Good advice I have always try to do just with the relationship I maybe in.

Israel

This had been my quest all this while, thank God I have found it. This is absolutely awesome. Thanks a million times.

red18

My ex husband expected respect as he was running out the door for whatever his latest hobby or addiction was a the moment. His respect for me was 0 so in turn that is what he got back. Respect has to be earned, showing it to someone who NEVER returns it or cares about showing it isn’t going to work. It has to go both ways.

esther

but even we ladies need to be respected. these men you see are very disrespectiful to their wives in their actions yet its always expected that we the women are the ones to respect, why ?

Deanne

I agree with this article. I was married a long time and realize I lost all respect for him long before the divroce. I am with someone else now abd try to show him daily how I do respect him. I don’t always agree with what he says but try to keep my sarcasm in check. It makes a difference, I xan see that this time.

Leila

I guess it comes down to the fact that men make a big effort to make us happy and often it’s hard for us to see that what they are doing is in our best interests. So we criticize and they lose heart. That isn’t the win-win they were hoping for.

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