Time and again, women have been perplexed by the baffling behavior men display when it comes to dating. How is it that they’re warm as a bonfire one day, and then chilly as a snowman the next?
A lot of my friends have come up to me, asking why everything seems to be going OK in the first couple of weeks of dating…
…only to have their guy drop off the face of the Earth.
They all echo the same basic sentiment: “Things were going so well, so why hasn’t he bothered to call, text or email after?”
What is it about some guys who bring on the sweetness and then withdraw it after they’ve gotten our hopes up? Are these men just cruel? Do they take pleasure in leaving us hanging?
Fortunately, I got a male friend to spill his guts on his own flaky behavior. For the sake of his safety (specifically from certain teary-eyed women he’s left high and dry), let’s call him Doug.
Anyway, Doug confessed to pulling a disappearing act on a girl he dated for a month. “Things we’re going really great for us…what made it great was that we were basically doing a slow burn for about four weeks,” he shares.
But then, Doug’s tone changed: “Thing was, I had just come out of a three-year relationship and made the mistake of getting back into the dating scene too soon – I wasn’t really looking for anything serious.”
“So when we finally kissed, it suddenly hit me that I was way in over my head. I freaked out,” he confessed to me.
Doug then exhibited the classic behavior that women loathe the most: coming up with an endless stream of excuses not to get together and basically had no initiative to get in touch with the poor girl.
We shouldn’t judge too harshly (it’s not just men who flake out); instead, we should learn from Doug’s example. When I pressed him about why men give mixed signals, Doug told me, “I don’t know about other guys, but looking back, there’s really nothing ‘mixed’ about what I did.”
“I guess you could say this: if you don’t hear from a guy who’s able-bodied to pick up the phone or turn on his computer, then he’s probably NOT that into you.”
I couldn’t disagree with Doug. The only one true way you can tell if a guy likes you or not is by looking at his behavior. Guys are naturally goal-driven; if he wants something (or someone), there’s no reason for him NOT to give you the smallest sign that he’s alive and well.
In other words, don’t make excuses for him. If he doesn’t call, email or text, there’s no mystery behind his actions. It simply means he’s not just not interested.
Oh sure, he may have his reasons for not wanting to pursue the relationship (like in Doug’s case), but it doesn’t detract from the fact that he’s not willing to make the effort or time to be with you.
Simple as that!
Generally, men aren’t as in touch with their feelings as women are, and they have a harder time expressing themselves compared to us. This is why a guy who’s sitting on the fence is likely having trouble articulating where he stands.
He may like you, but not enough to have a long-term relationship on account of some issues or hang-ups he’s dealing with.
So if you happen to date a guy who seems like a good match but seems like he’s treading water with the occasional email or text, he probably doesn’t want to be perceived as a heartless jerk.
But at the same time, he doesn’t have the heart to tell you that he’s not ready for a relationship.
To put it succinctly: Don’t bother holding your breath, sweetie.
And I don’t want you to think that this makes you less attractive as a woman. It’s his loss, not yours!
You should simply move on and work on strengthening the other areas of your life, such as your career, friendships, and hobbies. The ironic thing about having the ideal relationship is that you’ll find it when you aren’t obsessing over it!
Remember, being fully engaged in your passions and expanding your social circle are the best ways to run into guys without trying. That’s because living a well-balanced life tells others that you value yourself; this kind of self-respecting attitude is what will draw quality men out of the woodwork.
So if Mr. Mysteriously Unavailable flakes out on you, don’t take it personally. Staying on the right track and making the best for yourself will help you find someone who WON’T waste your time and energy!
By the way, don’t forget to check out this video to learn how to attract guys with one easy step!