In today’s post, I’m going to be sharing 7 weird and dirty truths about how to melt away coldness, emotional distance, and even serious commitment-phobia in your man – and transform yourself into his most irresistible fantasy.
These tips will empower you to become the rarest of women: one who understands how men think and how they actually experience relationships.
Here’s how to rewire resistance and doubt and transform yourself into the woman your man is ADDICTED to …
All guys have a secret question circling endlessly in their heart of hearts that makes all the difference when it comes to choosing the woman they want to spend their lives with.
In its most undiluted, purest form, that question is:
“Will this woman make my life more fulfilling or more difficult?”
The brutal truth is, on some level, most men are afraid to truly commit because they’re afraid you’re going to end up making things harder, not easier.
As a bachelor, life is ripe with what could happen … but as a committed man, all those glorious possibilities get narrowed down to one single choice: YOU.
So, you need to think about all the ways you can choose to make his life either more difficult or more fulfilling.
The easiest way to make any man feel fulfilled and blessed by your feminine presence is by being PROUD of him and being EXCITED about his everyday victories and efforts, even if they seem tiny to you right now.
Your man thrives on female encouragement. And most men are secretly dying – very privately and very silently – for some recognition and admiration from the women in their lives.
Simply validating his choices, supporting his wins, and admiring him out loud (bonus points if you do it where his friends can hear) makes all the difference when it comes time for him to answer his own questions about you.
A man falls in love (and stays in love) based on how he FEELS about himself when he’s with you.
But, the more you make him talk about that love, the less he’ll have the space to actually FEEL it.
The lesson here? You need to be strong enough to give him the space he needs to FEEL his feelings about you.
FACT: many women become very clingy and whiny at the first sign of silence or distance.
They constantly pester for reassurance, air their insecurities, ask for more solid signs of commitment, and ask these sorts of annoying questions:
To a man, these questions – and all the nagging and questioning that go with them – are meaningless.
The truth is, words doesn’t mean anything unless he has the SPACE to FEEL his own feelings about you.
Now is the time to back off, close the oven door, and let things cook along without interference. Trust me – the cake will taste better with a little timely neglect.
For a man to feel like you’re the woman his entire future revolves around, he needs to actually perceive you as a feminine spirit at your core.
This is what begets the dance of the sexes and the glorious chemistry that fuels the fire of his attraction to you.
But when you lessen his masculinity, emasculate him with words, or wall off your own femininity by acting cold, hard, and stony, you take away his power and you make him feel weak and degraded …
… and then he associates those feelings with you, which automatically triggers his barriers and causes him to back away. (Hey, I didn’t write the rules.)
The truth is, sex is VERY important to nearly all men.
And if you often turn away from him in bed, withhold sex, or act as though you’ve got more important stuff to do, you’re whittling away at the very core of your relationship’s fire and sustenance.
Look: I’m not going to tell you that you should make love even if you genuinely don’t feel like it.
But I will tell you that a woman with a healthy sexual appetite – and one whose love of sex is focused like a laser beam on HIM – is someone that most men would find very attractive.
Your femininity is the most powerful force you will ever possess.
Through it, you’ll gain access to the most CRUCIAL key to a man’s heart: making him feel like the powerful, warrior-hearted MAN he really is. (Remember, he falls in love with you based on how he feels in your presence.)
Above all else, your femininity is what inflames his masculinity …
… it’s what turns a dismal ember into a raging, oxygen-sucking, heat-roaring towering inferno …
… and makes him view you with that peculiar, powerful mixture of pride, lust, awe, and worship. When you act like a woman, you give him permission to act like a man, own his powers, and feel like a warrior …
… and secretly, he’ll ADORE you for it.
So don’t shy away from your feminine powers!
Look … you know that little “catch” in the air that happens when you say or do something particularly warm, sweet, or sexy for him?
That little “twitch” in the pit of your stomach you feel when he catches your eye after you charm him with your feminine grace or wisdom?
That’s called sexual chemistry.
It’s a sign that you’ve triggered his deepest, most masculine instincts toward you. It’s one of your most irresistible powers.
And if you use it frequently, fearlessly, and well, you will become a MAJOR victory in his life.
Listen: if you’re anything like most women, you tend to feel turned-off and “blah” about their relationship when you feel ignored, under-appreciated, and unnoticed.
Guess what? Guys feel those same exact feelings, too … but we feel them when things feel motionless in the relationship.
The trick to overcoming this lack and forcing him into a surging emotional funnel of whitewater intensity is by getting him to regularly experience fun, excitement, and momentum in the relationship.
So how the heck do you get him to do THAT?
Well, it’s very, very simple …
If a guy feels like nothing will ever change, that you are always the same, and that his sense of excitement about life is gone forever so long as he stays with you, he will VERY QUICKLY start to pull away.
Guys have a sensitive radar for boredom … truth is, we like to be kept on our toes a little. It’s a delicate balance of “free spirit” and “integrity”, and once you’ve reached it for yourself, trust me, you’ll know … because he won’t be able to stop following you with his eyes, bragging to his friends about how AMAZING you are, and constantly showering you with a warm, sexy downpour of affection, appreciation, and love.
I don’t have the time to go into the details right now, but you’ll learn the exact details of this precise, powerful strategy in Why He Pulls Away – and you’ll never again fall into the trap of neutrality and commitment-killing staleness that endangers his love for you.
You’ve probably noticed how a lot of guys seem afraid of commitment, right?
Well, it’s not because they’re loveless social robots. In fact, most men crave the companionship and loving affection of a good woman, just like you crave the love and affection of a great man.
But, men ARE afraid of what a relationship can bring …
… and that fear is centered around “freedom cancer”:
The slow, agonizing death of his hopes, dreams, and aspirations for change and growth.
If you want your man to hone in on you like a laser-beam and commit to you as powerfully and fiercely as a starving bear guards the last honeycomb of the season, you need to make sure he knows that you want to ADD to his life, not subtract from it.
So be prepared to be supportive.
Don’t whine, don’t mock, and don’t wet-blanket.
Think about giving him what he needs to be happy, not just what you feel like giving today.
Then – whether it’s your blessing for a 3 month trip to India, your encouragement with a scary new business venture, or simply a heartfelt “you look HOT today!” – give it. Unreservedly, and with full appreciation of both the man he is and the man he’s striving to become.
7. Avoid Doing The One Thing That Will CRUSH His Love Into Shriveled, Lifeless Splinters
This is possibly the MOST IMPORTANT thing you could ever learn about the male mind and how your guy experiences relationship.
Matter of fact, if you do this right, you’ll melt away his commitment fears like icicles in the noonday sun and crack open his sealed-over Love Vault like an SAS task-force.
So what is it?
You’ve got to AVOID doing this one simple, terrible thing:
Emasculating him with your razor-tongued words.
AKA: ripping his testicles off and creating an emasculated, disenfranchised eunuch with no balls, no testosterone, and no manly, foe-crushing powers left to impress you with.
Obviously, no woman does this intentionally …
… and yet it still happens ALL THE TIME.
By criticizing, making light of, and belittling the very things he bases his sense of worth, manhood, and pride on.
Generally, I’m talking about his ability to make you happy. In particular, I’m talking about his ability to PROVIDE.
Let’s get specific:
These things are at the very core of a man’s soul.
So if you are constantly criticizing and griping about how his efforts are not enough for you, you will emasculate him, you will weaken him, and you will literally shave pieces off his soul just as if you were dragging him through broken glass.
Remember, what motivates a man is his ability to PLEASE YOU. He does this by trying to provide for you: whether that’s financially, emotionally, physically, or sexually.
To devour the full, unbridled secrets of how you can reverse self-defeating patterns in your relationship, check out Why Men Pull Away, my latest book exposing proven methods for rescuing your relationship and rewiring the intimacy in your man’s mind.