Do you find yourself in the trap of constantly comparing yourself to other people and feeling like you don’t measure up?
Many women struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem over their lives. In fact, I have had many battles with my own self-image in the past.
Feeling like you’re not good enough is the number ONE thing which holds a lot of amazing women back from attracting the men they desire.
Where does this insecurity come from?
A lot of our internal struggles are based on the pressure to live up to cultural ideals.
For instance, we feel as if there is something ‘wrong’ with us if we’re still single by a certain age, don’t have a certain income, don’t have a countless number of friends, or don’t have cellulite-free thighs (is this even possible??).
When we feel that we aren’t measuring up, we let our inner critic take over and forget all of our positive attributes in the process.
With our self-esteem in shreds, we may avoid meeting men or end promising relationships with great guys – all to avoid the possibility of rejection.
Basically, we put up walls around ourselves which keep people out, even when we desperately need to let them in.
No matter how unlovable you may sometimes feel, you NEED love and you DESERVE to be loved.
But before you can start attracting great guys who will treat you like the special person you are, you need to start loving yourself.
So to begin this journey, here are 6 things to remember every time you start to feel like you’re not good enough:
1. Nobody is perfect.
We all compare ourselves to others, and this is one of the easiest ways of feeding our insecurities.
Our minds trick us into believing that others are ‘perfect’ or ‘have it all’ and thus jealousy is born. But in reality, those people are far from perfect.
Everyone has assets and everyone has flaws. I can assure you that the people who seem to have everything do not – they have insecurities and challenges of their own.
Low self-esteem often brings feelings of inadequacy and not being ‘good enough’ to go out with desirable men. There is always the sense that a guy will like someone else who is ‘better’ than you.
You hold yourself back from going on dates or meeting men because you’re sure you’ll suffer rejection.
But I can tell you right now that there is no ‘dream woman’ that every man would be attracted to. Just as you have your own unique taste in men, guys have their own unique tastes in women.
And for some men, you ARE their dream woman.
2. Your thoughts often don’t reflect reality.
Our minds can be convincing liars. And when you’re in a negative mindset, it’s all too easy to believe any limiting or discouraging thoughts which go through your mind. E.g. “I’m so fat” or He’d never like me”.
Low self-esteem allows your mind to filter your life experiences through a negative lens, so you take in the negatives but not the positives.
And believe it or not, there are a LOT of positives which you are missing out on!
Your thoughts are not always the truth – they are merely your interpretation of the world. You should not believe everything you think.
However, your thoughts do shape YOUR reality. And therefore, if you are thinking negatively, your life will become more negative. And if you are thinking positively, your life will become more positive.
So rather than giving power to your negative thoughts, start to give power only to those which are POSITIVE and ENCOURAGING.
3. You can’t read minds.
When we don’t know what someone is thinking, or what they think of us, we can often try to ‘read their mind’.
But the problem with this is that when we are feeling insecure, we often assume that people are thinking negatively about us when this is actually far from the truth.
This process of trying to guess what someone is thinking, especially in relation to a guy you like, can quickly lead to increases feelings of insecurity and stress. For instance, “He wants to break up with me”.
What you need to remember in this situation is that you can’t actually read minds.
So instead of wondering what is going on in someone’s head, take what they say literally and don’t assume that they mean something else or that they are harboring ill-feelings.
You only have your thoughts; no one else’s.
4. Your future relationships are not your past relationships.
In the past, you may have had the painful experience of being in a relationship with a man who was abusive, dishonest or rejecting towards you.
Although you are thankfully now out of that relationship, the scars which were created during this time may still sting.
This can cause you to respond defensively to any other guy who tries to get close to you – even if he has been nothing but kind and supportive.
Have you ever been in the position where you have passed an unfair judgment on a man because he reminded you of an ex-partner who treated you badly?
Unfortunately, when you are in this defensive mindset, you have no chance of allowing someone good to enter your life.
Right now, you need to remind yourself of this fact: my future relationships are not my past relationships.
So stop judging potential dates on the shortcomings of ex-partners and allow yourself to move forward.
5. You deserve to be loved.
When you’re feeling insecure, you can struggle to understand what people see in you and tend to brush off any compliments or admiration you receive.
You don’t feel that you deserve the love and attention of others, and therefore you don’t accept any love which is given.
But I’m telling you right now that you DO deserve to be loved. And when you are in a state of shame, anxiety, or depression, you actually need love the most.
You have the ability to give the amazing gift of love to others, and you deserve to receive this gift in return.
6. You need to love yourself before anyone else can.
Until you love yourself, you will not allow anyone in close enough to be able to truly love you. You will sabotage your own relationships with others.
One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the attempt to achieve ‘perfection’.
We strive for perfection and when we fall short, we feel worthless. But what we don’t recognize is that perfection itself is impossible!
Instead of focusing on being ‘perfect’, try to focus instead on making yourself the best that YOU can be.
Telling yourself that you are not good enough or that you should be doing better will not help you. What will help you is learning to love yourself UNCONDITIONALLY.
Rather than waiting until you have reached a certain goal or image, you need to start loving yourself TODAY. Right now, exactly as you are.
You may have personal goals and want to make some changes to your lifestyle, but this does not mean you can’t love yourself as you currently are.
Once you have accepted and embraced where you’re at, you will have renewed energy to move forward and progress.
You are enough just as you are. Focus on acknowledging and celebrating your progress towards your goals, rather than just the end result.
Once you have found love, joy and acceptance WITHIN yourself, you will realize that the purpose of relationships is not to provide this for you.
Instead, loving relationships will ADD value and meaning to your already rich and rewarding life.