We all know what the books say about making a good first impression and finding out what women want from men.
We know that a person forms an instant and lasting impression of us within seconds after we meet.
We know that a person will size up every part of us, from our toes to the tip of our head, to decide whether they’re attracted to us.
We know that a bad first impression is difficult to overcome.
But what do we DO about it?
Well, if you’re like most guys, you stress yourself out about it and get so nervous before meeting a girl for the first time that your hand gets all sweaty and your mouth gets so dry that you swig down a massive gulp of your beer, causing you to cough uncontrollably and her to back off with a wrinkled nose and a polite eyebrow raise.
Stressing yourself out about what women want andthe kind of first impression you’re making is GUARANTEED to give her a bad first impression.
As a researcher in the field of dating and relationships, I’ve often sat in clubs or restaurants or cafés watching people interact. From a distance, it’s usually quite easy to see what’s going on. It’s easy to tell who is interested in one another, who’s bored, who’s hoping to get laid, and who’s wishing the other person would just go away.
But as easy as it may be to see what’s going on between a couple of strangers, I know that when it comes to seeing myself, I’m as blind as anyone.
We can’t really SEE the way that we interact with others. That’s because we can’t “see” ourselves.
When we’re in the midst of a conversation, we’re too INTO what’s going on to catch the subtle signals that an observer would find obvious. We’ve got too much of a personal stake in the outcome to be objective.
I want to give you some idea of what you would look like from a girl’s perspective. If I were meeting YOU right now, what kind of impression would I form of you … and what would it be based on?
TIP #1. “Focus on Your Inner Game, Not Your Looks”
My first impression of a LOT of guys I meet is that they’ve pinned all their confidence on their looks rather than any inner qualities they might possess.
Although outwardly they appear confident, I can tell that they put a lot of time in front of the mirror to get their appearance just SO. Their hair is artistically mussed, their shoes are shined, they’ve got a watch that obviously cost them a pretty penny, and so forth. Their confidence comes from their assumption that a girl will look at them and think, “He’s hot.”
News flash … Girls see more than what you look like.
In fact, your clothes are just an interesting starting point. We’re more interested in the whole package: body language, inner confidence, sense of authority, social status, etc, etc.
Women are infinitely better at reading body language than men, so we’re finding out a heck of a lot more about you than you could imagine. We can literally SEE the holes in a guy’s self-esteem and where he’s patched those holes up with bravado and a big pocketbook.
That’s why I encourage guys to stop focusing so much on looking like metrosexuals, and instead focus on their INNER game.
Imagine that girls can read your every thought – because we often can – and discipline your mind so that you literally think exactly what you want to project.
For example, I can literally SEE when a guy is trying hard to make a good first impression. I can watch his mind work as he thinks up conversational angles and tries to respond in a way that’s cool and witty.
Guys who’ve got the looks but don’t have their inner game sussed won’t EVER score with as many women as the guys who have their inner game sussed but not the looks.
TIP #2. “A Great Mood is Contagious”
Whatever mood you’re in – bad, good, nervous, uptight, chilled, happy – we’re going to pick it up.
Just assume that WHATEVER you feel, you’re going to make the girl feel it, too. If you’re happy, then she’s going to pick up your happy mood. If you’re nervous, she’s going to feel nervous around you. If you’re tense, she’s going to get tense. If you’re trying too hard, then she’s going to fee pressure to try hard – and no one likes to have to work at something.
From a personal perspective, there’s nothing more annoying than being with a guy who’s trying hard to make a good first impression…
…Unless it’s being with a guy who’s trying so hard NOT to try that he’s more boring than a bump on a log.
Look, if you try too hard, it’s not going to work. But if you don’t try at ALL – thinking, “Yeah, I’m too cool to even bother making any effort for her” – you’re going to come across as energetically dead.
Your energy level REALLY matters when it comes to first impressions. It’s like we get an instant read on your mood.
If you’re upbeat yet relaxed, our instant read is, “This guy is fun!” If you’re nervous and stressed and unhappy, our instant read is, “Run away!”
I’d even go so far to say that we pick up on
your mood quicker than we pick up on what you’re
Top pickup artists will tell you that looks don’t matter, and they’re right in a way. What’s more important is your ENERGY LEVEL and your MOOD. It’s much better to come to a party mentally prepared for a great time than it is to come looking hot but in a crappy mood.
TIP #3. “See Her as Special”
Now, this last tip is a pretty important one. When I’m getting chatted up by a guy in a bar, I can tell pretty instantly whether he’s talking to me just because he sees an opportunity and I’m “a girl” … or whether he’s talking to me because he thinks that I look interesting.
A lot of guys go by a numbers game with girls: they figure that if they talk to twenty girls, one is bound to talk back.
But girls can totally see when a guy is just going through the motions, or when he’s actually interested in HER.
Now, I’m not saying to not approach twenty girls. But what I AM saying is to approach each one as an individual – not just as a pair of attractive legs in a skirt.
Three second rule notwithstanding, it can help to observe a girl for a few minutes to see if you can guess something about her. What assumptions could you make about this person just by watching her interact with her friends? Then, when you DO go up to her, you can ask her questions to see if your assumptions were right … and enjoy seeing
your people-reading skills improve.
So if you can follow these three tips – focus on your inner game, be in a great mood, and see her as special – you can make a superb first impression on any girl.
Remember that it’s what’s in your head that matters most – everything else, including body language and conversational topics, will flow from there.
- Written by Mirabelle Summers