So maybe you’ve browsed through the web or checked out your local bookstore in hopes of finding the best way to talk to women.
Then you came across a bunch of material that’s supposed to make the ladies fall for you with just a few choice lines.
Well, I’ve been there before and tried it out myself when I was still new to the dating scene.
And yes, it did work for me – but only to a certain extent.
You see, learning pre-packaged material might help you get your foot in the door, but the longer you rely on set routines you’ve learnt from the “seduction community”, the more it becomes a crutch – and you start to appear LESS genuine in a girl’s eyes.
Sooner or later, you’ll need to cut the umbilical cord and think outside the box when it comes to talking to that hottie who caught your eye.
BUT if you want a general idea of how guys from those online messaging boards do it, there’s no harm in a little walkthrough.
Besides, you’ll eventually personalize your approach by incorporating your own quirks and techniques as you gain more experience in the dating world.
So the first thing you should learn about are “ice breakers” to get the ball rolling with a girl.
Tip #1: Use ‘ice breakers’ to get the ball rolling
As the term implies, ice breakers are a creative way to catch a girl’s attention get her talking to you (e.g. by introducing an interesting subject).
To give you an idea, try asking a girl about “emotionally charged” topics (also known as “chick crack”), such as ex-boyfriends or relationships in general. These are the kind of things most women LOVE to give their two cents’ worth about, so try your hand at breaking the ice with questions that revolve around this.
A friend of mine recently tried this line on a girl with great success:
“Excuse me, but I just needed a minute of your time to get a girl’s take on something that’s been bugging me…would it be OK for your boyfriend to keep close contact – as in Facebook friends close – with his ex if you were 100% certain they’re just friends now??”
I was actually there when my buddy dropped this line on a group of women, so I provided him with the excuse that we were having a discussion on the matter. It went really well because my friend’s ice breaker got their attention and got the conversation going.
Once you’ve got into a conversation with your girl, it’s time to shift gears in the conversation, rather than dwelling on the ‘ice breaker’ subject you started out with.
Tip #2: Learn to shift gears in conversation
This next part is crucial, which is to SHIFT gears once you’ve gotten a girl talking, and let the conversation evolve naturally on to other topics.
My friend from above wisely moved on to different topics as soon as he got things rolling with the group of women he had approached.
Like I told you, you can’t use the ice breaker to carry you all the way – otherwise you’ll look unoriginal and won’t stand out from all the other guys who’ve hit on her before.
If anything, using pre-rehearsed “conversational bits” is OK as long as it’s used sparingly, for example to fill in any awkward silences. Just make sure you’re not creating an artificial personality by using this stuff ALL THE TIME.
As I said earlier, it’s better to be original in the long run instead of using lines like a crutch.
The key here is to actively LISTEN to the girl you are talking to so that you can comment on what she is saying or ask further questions, rather than only half paying attention because you are trying to think of new conversation topics in your head.
If you just relax and pay attention to her, the conversation should flow naturally.
There is one other ‘pick-up’ trick you should to know about – and AVOID like the plague.
Tip #3: Do not ‘neg’!
One trick that you should NEVER use is “negging”, which is basically firing off a bunch of thinly veiled insults in an attempt to engage in “witty wordplay”.
This is something I’m totally against because the only purpose of using “negs” is to knock down a hot woman (or a “10” as pickup artists like to say) a few notches and bring her “down to your level”.
Whatever that means!
In reality, you’re not going to look cute or charming by slipping an insult past a woman’s defenses. Chances are your quip about her weight or appearance is going to backfire, most likely in the form of a well-deserved slap or the contents of her martini glass thrown in your face.
Sure, you may have heard of other guys successfully pulling off a “neg”, but it’s pretty much like a solider throwing a grenade without getting his hand blown off.
It’s THAT risky, and you don’t have to have compromise a woman’s respect for you just to look like some bad boy.
To sum up…
You’re not going to be the guy who’s naturally good at talking to women by ONLY using pre-packaged pickup material like some lifeline. It could very well snap if you’re not careful.
Use it to get you started if you need to, but always let your true personality shine through as the conversation continues.
Remember that in the real world, being a genuinely interesting guy is about having a well-rounded life.
Having a lot of interests gives you plenty of stuff to talk about with a girl and avoids weirding her out with some contrived personality that doesn’t represent the REAL you.